in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
