Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
