dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He shit in the fireplace
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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