She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
