i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
