What did we do last night that was yellow?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
