If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
