We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
