his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
