This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
