I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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