Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
