in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
