I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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