yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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