after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
