Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
bring money and cleavage
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
