Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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