What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
