OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
whose parrot is this?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
