I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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