i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
