And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
