i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
