Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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