I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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