either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
