happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
