is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
