I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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