someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
