Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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