Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
