If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can feel your judgement through the phone
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
