When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
