i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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