Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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