i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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