He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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