Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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