Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
two words...techno handjob
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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