You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
