I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
