it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I FOUND THE LEGS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
