just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
