love makes seman taste better
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
