Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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