the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
