You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
