listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
