I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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